Billie Eilish, the Ukraine war, and me…an unexpected connection

I caught up with a friend called Sam. She had two spare Billie Eilish tickets she was selling at a discount. Her daughter had Covid and they agreed it was best they did not attend. I jumped at the chance. My kids would love to see Billie Eilish (I thought). I called my oldest daughter…she was not that excited. So I thought I’d secretly buy them for my other daughter, Sophie. I said to Sam ‘yes I’ll take them!’

Off I went.

Off she went.

This was at 10am and the concert was that night. At that point, as far as Sam knew, the tickets were sold.

I was then heading to town and called my sister-in-law on the way in to see if she could pick up my youngest daughter from school. She mentioned that Sophie (my daughter whom I was planning to surprise) had an exam the next day. Ahh…double hit. Why didn’t I know? Now what do I do?

Do I just say to Sophie ‘stuff the exam, kid! Life is too short. Let’s do this!’? Or do I say ‘no’ to Sam? Time was ticking and I was now doubting the choice I had made.

So I called Sam to let her know the situation. It’s about 11am at this point. Rather than panic, she says: ‘take some time to work this out Laura…we have time’. It is worth saying Sam is also a Presence in Action Practitioner and I have a thing about time.

So off I go into town.

I find myself in a major shopping center trying to return items but also wondering what is going on here.

I’m off-centre.

I’m in indecision land.

This is a something.

I’m caught. 

So I take myself to a quiet spot IN THE SHOPPING CENTER and I start moving around an imaginary P6 Constellation.

What is my fiction? Facts? Purpose? What is going on in me? In slowing down and self-centering, I realised I am trying to prove to Sophie I love her. But I do. Deeply. So why do I want to prove what is? I immediately accessed I need to let go of the tickets. I don’t want to buy stuff for my daughter to convince her that I love her. That is not the place I want to come from.

I called Sam and said I don’t want the tickets AND I recognize I have cost you time so I will safeguard my trustworthiness and help you sell the tickets. We agreed. I then mentioned the tickets on my netball group on WhatsApp.  I had an immediate response. Maria. She would take the tickets.

I put Maria and Sam in contact and they managed to exchange the tickets…just in time and I mean JUST IN TIME.  This exchange is a whole other story!

Here is the thing…when Maria and I eventually spoke the next day, this is what she told me:

It was her daughter’s birthday on the Sunday and all she wanted was tickets to Billie Eilish. Not only that, they were all really suffering. Maria’s ex-partner (who she is good friends with and is the father to her children) was and is currently fighting in Ukraine.

They wake up each morning wondering if dad is still alive. They have been living like this since day 1 of the war. The concert was a few moments of ease. Of not thinking of what is happening. It was a massive gift for her daughter, son, and herself.

I have worked in Presence in Action Collective for the last 4 years. I have been learning our self-centering praxis using the P6 Constellation since 2017. It has deeply altered how I meet my world.

I believe the act of meeting myself is a sacred act. The repercussions are often unexpected and wider than I can ever imagine. I get emotional every time I think of or share this experience.

In self-centering I accessed my doing, being, and knowing.

In that moment, I knew what I needed to do. I knew that to take the tickets was an act of pretense and to give the tickets was an act of presence in action.

Presence in Action has been part of my healing and it has altered my being in the world.

I am grateful to have the privilege of this work in my life.

Laura Kinsler

Member of Presence in Action Collective

p.s. the people in the story gave permission for it to be shared.